Hi my name is zusidon and I come from egipt. I live in a tall and strong piramid, When you walk to the top of the piramide you would get the most spectacular view of the amazing sea. One day I saw a evil man organizing a war against us. That means that I will have to fight with and I would Mackey every body die but I don’t like death,a few years later it was the day of the war the loud pitched sound coming from the sirens woke me up and I knew it was time to go to our combat position… the war ended and most of the worlds population died and about a quarter is still alive but we decided to stop fighting and be friends again it all ends her the war has ended
March 2, 2017 at 4:32 pm
Alessandro,
I can see that you have thought very carefully about your vocabulary and how this might be used to engage your reader.
Write a plan to help develop your ideas – even if it’s only a few bullet points.
What about those full stops? Where should they go? Re-read and edit your work – how might you make your meaning clearer?